What does it mean to be powerless? As I understand it, it means that I have no control over the people, circumstance and events in my own life. Worst of all I have no control over myself and my self-defeating behaviors. For me, this condition, is a very uncomfortable feeling. Especially for someone who prides himself in being in control.
When I look back at my life, I have to ask myself, was I really in control? Was I able to manage my life in a way that brought me success? Or did I just fumble my way along life’s paths, sometimes getting it right but most of the time getting it wrong. When I take an honest inventory of my history I often see that my life was out of control and that it was typically an unmanageable mess.
In most cases I was powerless over the outcome of any particular circumstance and yet at the same time I believed I was in control. I found it extremely difficult to surrender control of my life to anything but me. For some reason I was not able to give up the idea that I decided the outcome of events.
Through the 12 Steps and the 12 Traditions I have learned how to identify a Higher Power in my life. A source of wisdom that exists above my own. I have often defined this Higher Power as someone or something that is more intelligent than I am. That may seem simple but it is what got the journey started. It is this definition that got the wheels turning forward on my own journey towards freedom and it has given me the ability to understand powerlessness in my life.
For me powerlessness exists when I cannot answer a question or solve a problem that I feel like I should be able to handle. This state of mind often leaves me perplexed or frozen in my thinking and thrrefore in my recovery. To deal with such a state of mind I have to get to a place where I can surrender my struggle to my Higher Power. I have to ask that same question or present the same problem to someone who can answer it.
For instance: As a defendant in a legal case my Higher power may simply be my lawyer. He obviously has far more understanding of the legal system than I do and therefore I have to lean upon his knowledge even when I feel that we should be going in a different direction.
Accordingly, when it comes to a spiritual dilemma a I may consult a pastor or a priest or more than likely I would go to my Highest Power, God Himself. Some answers can only come through an open and honest discussion with God (prayer) and a earnest desire to hear from Him (meditation). In that place we often find that, “God will do for us what we could not do for ourselves.”
As we continue on this journey of recovery we will soon realize that we must embrace our powerlessness as well as grasp an understanding of a Haigher Power before we see results. This process does not happen overnight, it is a journey that begins with one small step and it becomes a walk that leads us to a place of freedom that we may never thought possible.
Keep coming back…